Lessons Learned

You know how sometimes things go horribly awry in every possible way, right when you least need it to happen because your guard is totally down and sense of self so fragile? Well, here are some lessons learned about just that sort of thing, so that maybe, just maybe, you can avoid learning the hard way, what I found out:

1. Do not expect people to be nice and normal. This may sound jaded but seriously, don't walk around in life all snow white like and doe eyed assuming that everyone has noble intentions and nice interaction habits. They don't. I am not telling you to shut out nice people, but really, keep your guard up, even in supposed professional or academic institutions.

2. Always keep your personal boundaries in tact.  Seriously. I cannot emphasize this enough. How you feel about you is up to you and you alone and is not any other human being's business. Do not let your sense of self, and self worth rest on another human, institution or concept. Develop a meditation practice to hone this, or some other zen like activity.

3. Don't reach for the bait, do not argue with crazy people or engage them. Some people want to be nasty, despite logic or anything else you throw at them. Disengage, surrender, do not take their bait. It is not worth it. Surrender is not weakness, it is embracing change, and your own sanity for that matter.

4. At all costs, manage your own stress levels because nobody really cares how you feel. If you whine, are dramatic, or generally dependent on outer circumstances to make you happy or peaceful, learn some new coping mechanisms. People can only tolerate your complaining so much. At some point, you have to self rely on your own stress management skills. Nobody cares if you are oversensitive, or keep getting dealt a bad hand. Its harsh but true, and if you can make yourself feel better, you can just spend time with others not complaining, and rely on yourself for your own needs. Everybody wins.

5. Even if you are sensitive, force yourself not to be. Sensitivity has a time and place, like if you are an artist, a writer, or a song writer. But in the rest of the western world, nobody cares about your feelings. Again, this is harsh, but for you sensitive types, it is better to accept this, forge some strong skin and mental boundaries, and self-help. The western attitude is not sympathetic to your princess and the pea complex.

6. Brainwash yourself to believe that the things that other people do that bother you, really don't. Just keep telling yourself, "this doesn't bother me" over and over again, and learn to put other people's actions away, somewhere else, and enjoy your life

7. Be thankful for the things that you desire and they will magically appear in your life. What you appreciate, appreciates. Make your attitude, gratitude. Appreciate the bird in your hand instead of chasing two on the roof. Really, trust me, this works. Write ten things a day that you are grateful for. Every day, and write even more if you can think of them. Or write the things that you are grateful for that you wish you had. Do both. Knock yourself out. Trust me. Good things do happen.

8. Make sure you have a life outside of work or school so that when things disappoint you, you actually have something else to focus on, besides the things that are hurting you or pissing you off.

Some people are talking to God and begging for him to talk back. I am one of those people. But I have learned, that God's strongest language is experience, how you feel about those experiences, and letting the logic of others who care for you, sink in, and tempering the three together to distill your own truth. I am not religious, but I once heard a preacher say that all of your experiences and the things that people are doing TO you, are God's tools, and he is telling you something with them.  So don't take my word for it, everyone's journey probably has something a little different to teach them. And if you are uncomfortable with the word God, replace it with the word, Universe, Nature or Mother Earth, and re-read those sentences. Meditate, listen, find your truth, and be well.

if you have a suggestion, or experience or helpful tip, share it!

Keeping It Together

Sometimes, drama erupts when you least expect it. It can be anything, your mom is guilting you about something that doesn't make any sense, a coworker or acquaintance has it out for you, you lose your job, you got your period, you got dumped, you are broke - whatever. The most important thing to remember in this situation is to remain calm, ride the wave, let your emotions come out privately, to a close friend, relative or your therapist and carry on with life as normal as possible. Remember, this too shall pass, and problems are really just opportunities for solutions that lead you to bigger and better things.

When bad things happen, you may be tempted to self indulge and not work out. I highly recommend continuing your workout routine, because this is a great way to channel frustration, relieve stress, feel good about yourself and can lead to some creative problem solving. The best way to lose weight, is to not fluctuate too much in the first place. If you are having a tough time and need motivation, just tell yourself you will only work out for 20 minutes. It takes about 20 minutes for your body to fully warm up, so more than likely, after 20 minutes you will feel good enough to continue your session.

Keep your diet clean as clean as possible, even when you are stressed. Indulging really isn't going to make you feel better in the end. But if you do feel the need to treat yourself, I recommend a healthy alternative, like a fruit smoothie. Or a piece of chocolate, with no added sugar. My favorite is a ricemilk bar by enjoy life. Only 170 calories, and can be found at your local health food store. Or, Go Raw, real live chocolate at just 32 calories for a 1 inch square. Another fairly healthy treat is a raw pie, made from soaked almonds and natural sugars, found at Whole Foods or your local natural food store. It is calorie dense, at around 300 calories, but made from healthy components, like nuts, honey and fruit, and it's so rich, since it is nut based, you may not even need to eat the whole piece.

However, if there is something you are truly craving, go ahead and eat it, in a portion appropriate size, taking care to pay attention to your body and emotions as you eat it, and make sure to stop when you are full. There are some great books on intuitive eating, the healthiest way to approach your eating habits, called, Overcoming Overeating, and another called Break Free From Compulsive Eating, by Geenen Roth. On a similar note, Geneen has another book called Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything, which is a really great book on being in your body and living in the moment.

Anyone else have real life suggestions on dealing with the ups and downs of life?